nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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