the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
