I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
