Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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