He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
