1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
