I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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