the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
