someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
