Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
