did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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