I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
