erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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