Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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