High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
