its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My pussy is not your playground.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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