the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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