watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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