White coat. Heels.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
