Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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