i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I booty called her while she was in labor.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
