life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Iβm a lady. I promise I wonβt oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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