he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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