ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
