i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
