There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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