I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
