Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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