people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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