sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
