Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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