1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
