we made out on top of his cat.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
