I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
