C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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