i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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