Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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