My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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