are you still at the devil's house?
So drunk its hurt
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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