Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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