thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize