She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
