I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
