gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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