He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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