watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
