Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
