We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
