i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
