i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
