in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
