Sry I called you an 8
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
