listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
