Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
