no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
