i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
