you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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