Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
