He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
