her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
