Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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