You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
