i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
