He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
