remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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