dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
