Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
