I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
