If i come over, it means nothing
accomplished twins. life is a go
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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